Discover the Truth Behind Parental Authority
Why Do Parents Act Like They Know Best?
Parents' seemingly bossy behavior often stems from their well-intentioned desire to keep their kids safe. As a psychologist specializing in family relationships, I can attest to this. When a child becomes a teenager, the world becomes more dangerous. Friendships can turn complicated and even toxic. Drugs and alcohol become more accessible and alluring. Mental health can take a nosedive, and social media doesn't offer much help.
There are several reasons for these increased risks as one grows up, but peer pressure takes the lead. To protect their teens, parents use various strategies like disciplining them ("You're grounded!") or challenging them with phrases like "When I was your age, I didn't behave like that." They might also reprimand, saying "I'm really disappointed in you." If your parents have ever acted this way, it's likely to keep you safe. Most parents understand the dangers and have likely experienced them themselves, wanting you to avoid their mistakes.
The Developing Brain of a Teenager
Right now, a teenager's brain is undergoing remarkable growth. Starting around 10 years old, there's a flurry of activity in the subcortical regions of the brain, which are associated with emotions like anger, anxiety, and defensiveness. If you're feeling these emotions regularly, you're completely normal.
As a teenager gets older, the outer regions of the brain also develop. The last part to mature is in the area behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex. This area is related to the ability to understand how others feel and put oneself in their shoes. Experts call this skill "perspective-taking." It means that when reprimanded for breaking the rules, instead of lashing out defensively, one can acknowledge the other person's concern.
Seeing Life from Another Perspective
For adults, perspective-taking can be challenging, but for teens, it's even harder as the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed yet and won't be until about age 25. A teenager's brain allows them to do many amazing things, but they are naturally inclined to see life from their own perspective and have difficulty understanding why others act the way they do.
Your perception of your parents as bossy is based on the still-developing nature of your brain. Meanwhile, the part of the brain associated with big emotions is fully developed. This combination can be tough.
A Final Note
You might think that parents "always act like they know what's best," but in my parenting research, it's clear that they often struggle with how to handle certain situations. Over 40% of the parents in my last study had self-critical thoughts about their parenting. They're also trying their best.
If you can, give your parents a break and maybe even a hug. Remember, curiosity has no age limit, so adults, feel free to share your questions too. We'll do our best to answer them.
Unlock the Potential of Limited Screen Time for Your Kids
1. Reduced Tantrums and Behavioral Issues
Research has consistently shown a direct link between excessive screen time and tantrums in children. A Canadian study, for instance, found that increasing a child's daily screen time by just one hour led to a significant increase in anger, frustration, and tantrum behavior a year later. This is in line with the broader body of research indicating that screen time negatively affects kids' emotional regulation skills. When parents use screen time as a comfort during high emotions, it further exacerbates the problem. By limiting screen time, parents can help their kids better manage their emotions and reduce the occurrence of tantrums and behavioral issues.Moreover, when kids are not constantly glued to a screen, they have more opportunities to engage in real-life interactions and activities that enhance their emotional intelligence. This, in turn, leads to more harmonious family dynamics and a more stable emotional environment for the child.2. Enhanced Creativity and Independence
Creative activities that don't involve screens stimulate kids' communication and motor skills in ways that screens simply can't. For example, engaging in arts and crafts, playing outdoor games, or reading books allows children to use their imagination and develop their fine and gross motor skills. These skills are crucial for their overall development and have a long-term impact, even once they start school.When it comes to independent play, many parents have noticed that their kids become better at entertaining themselves for longer periods. However, experts emphasize that getting kids to engage in independent play may require some practice. Gradually introducing them to longer stretches of play without adult or screen intervention helps them build the skills necessary for independence. This independence not only benefits them in the short term but also prepares them for a more self-sufficient life in the future.3. Easier Bedtimes
It's a well-known fact that screens disrupt sleep processes in both kids and adults. The blue light emitted by screens mimics daylight and suppresses hormones like melatonin, which tell us it's time to sleep. This affects every aspect of the sleep-wake cycle, making it harder for kids to fall asleep and stay asleep. Kids, in particular, lack the know-how and willpower to resist the temptation of screens at bedtime.By limiting screen time, parents can help their kids establish a more regular sleep routine and improve the quality of their sleep. This, in turn, has a positive impact on their physical and mental health, as well as their behavior during the day. A good night's sleep is essential for a child's growth and development, and limiting screen time is an important step in achieving this.Regardless of the approach parents take, nearly all agree that dealing with tantrums during the transition to limited screen time is a part of the process. But with patience and perseverance, the benefits can outweigh the challenges.John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.