When getting to know a potential partner, it's crucial to pay attention to certain behaviors. One such red flag is when they are tight-lipped about their past relationships and their past in general. As Terri Orbuch, PhD, points out, sharing personal information helps bond and become close. If they brush off such questions, it could mean they don't see the relationship as serious or are not ready for a long-term commitment.
Another red flag is when they belittle you. Playful teasing is one thing, but constant insulting comments and deliberately hurting your feelings are a clear sign to move on. As Amy D. Marshall, PhD, explains, this is their way of making you back off and keeping you from realizing your worth. It's time to leave such a relationship and find someone who values you.
Arguing about everything is a common red flag. Disagreements are normal, but if you can't remember a week without bickering, even over petty things, it can lead to the deterioration of the relationship. As Marshall says, the impact of criticism and arguments accumulates over time.
Changes in your partner's body language can also be a red flag. Something as simple as an eye roll or avoiding eye contact, if it happens frequently, can indicate that they are less comfortable in the relationship. As Lillian Glass, PhD, notes, these small changes can be significant indicators.
A sustained lack of communication about sexual issues in a relationship is a major red flag. As Rebekah Montgomery, PhD, explains, there will always be fluctuations in sexual connection, but if it becomes chronic and not addressed, it can harm the relationship. Openly discussing these matters is crucial for a healthy sexual relationship.
Also, if you stop doing little gestures that show your partner you love them, like bringing them something from your coffee run or sending sweet messages, it can be a sign that your feelings are changing. As Orbuch says, expressing love through actions is as important as saying the "L" word.
Not consulting your partner before making big decisions is a red flag. It shows that they may not see the relationship as a serious one and don't value your opinion. As Orbuch mentions, it's about making choices together and seeing a shared future.
Switching from saying "we" to "I" can also be a sign that a couple's relationship is changing. As Orbuch explains, it indicates a shift in how they view their lives together. If this change occurs, it's worth examining the relationship.
Being showered with gifts and attention out of the blue can be a red flag. As Greer says, it might indicate that your partner is feeling guilty about something and is overcompensating. If it coincides with other warning signs, it's something to pay attention to.
Your partner having a lot of solo plans and not including you, or a change in how they spend money without sharing the reason, can also be signs of insecurity in the relationship. These behaviors can lead to trust issues and need to be addressed.
Finally, if you find that your partner relies on you for everything and you are their everything, it can be a sign of codependency. As Sanchez says, both of you should have a complex social network and support system beyond each other.
Remember, trust your gut when it comes to these red flags. If you notice concerning behaviors or changes in your relationship, have an open and honest conversation with your partner. And if the situation becomes abusive, it's time to seek professional help and leave the relationship safely.